Dear Grandma O,
Most days I think about you, I wish I could have become closer with you. I was sort of jealous of how close you and Caryn were. But somehow you still didn’t choose favorites. It’s been over six months now and most days I think of you. My life would be much different without you. Even though you’re gone I still see you from time to time. As a cardinal or when when someone on Facebook mentions you. I wish I could have got to know you better, but I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I am thinking of you. The things I wish I could have said to you or just wishing we were closer. I was always jealous of how much closer you were with Caryn. Somehow you still didn’t pick favorites.
It’s been over 8 months now and I think about you everyday.
My life would be much different without you. I’d be full of college debt, but you made a promise to all of your grandchildren that they can go to college on your behalf. I’ll be the second of 4 to graduate. The first one to graduate without you here.
Even though you have passed I still see you from time to time.
Whether you are in the form of a cardinal, your favorite animal, peaking through the trees or mentioned in a post on social media. There is always something reminding me of you.
I always enjoyed certain qualities of yours.
Keeping every birthday card and Christmas card, we didn’t know of this habit until you passed but it was completely you. You were never one to brag about accomplishments or misfortune. Always keeping things that would gain attention to yourself to yourself. This was your most noble quality in my eyes.
Being so reserved, we didn’t know of your condition until it was far to late. Keeping the severity of your cancer away from us until it was impossible to hide. It made the suffering and that was your intention.
I wish we could have talked more during those months but I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon.
The Process and Reflection
When writing about my grandmother at first I found it hard, I struggled. But the more I did it or thought about doing it the easier it became. My struggles came with not knowing how detailed to be and what details I would put in. Rather than create a story you’d see in a book I created a “letter” that people who have dealt with loss can relate to. My intention was to let others know that the sense of not doing enough or not knowing someone enough before there passing is common.
During the process I thought, well maybe I can write this about my dog that passed away. That will be easier and less personal. But I wanted to write something that may be a little hard to read or may bring a tear to the readers eye. Even if it does neither of these it will certainly make someone think when one of there loved ones in about to pass.